Hello World!!

Its been a really long while since I've last wriiten. One might ask, why the sudden interest now?
I guess thats how a blog is, you write when you please!!
Now that my excuse has convinced you, lets come to the real reason why I started now all of a sudden. A lot of things have happened over the last 2 years. Finally I have ended up in a PSU with a more than decent job. Yet, the events over the last couple of years have left me slightly disturbed from my equillibrium, in the sense that my life now doesnt exactly represent what I imagined 2 years ago. After a lot of introspection, I realised that I have only myself to blame. I havent had to work too hard for anything. I had chosen the easy way all the time. Although I have dreams, they are not fuelled by my own passion but by someone else's expectations.

Till some time ago I was very happy that I had managed to move passionately towards a goal all thanks to one special person. Sadly after that person left my life, I was again back to square one. My regret being, that I can only be at my best when I am working for the sake of someone. My self motivation is always zero and I am constantly dependant on something or someone to provide me the same. When I look back, the previous blogs were all the result of me being inspired or motivated by someone to write them.

However, now I feel its different, I started writing this just with the thought of improving my english, not for someone else's sake but for my own. Somehow the last 2 years of introspection has generated some sense in me and god forbid I get a new girlfriend :) !!!

The Lazy Man's Logic

As a simple matter of speaking, even though you make it to college, you cant rid your conscience of the fact that the ability to cram stuff into your head still rocks, no matter how lowly or how demeaning it might seem. Well same rules apply at NIT Trichy as well. This is targetted at all those hard headed people who refuse to believe that this is the only way by which you can get a decent GPA.

One such brilliant mind is my roomie. He has several nicknames all based on his characteristic traits of forgetfullnes, short term memory, his uncanny ability to screw up any win-win scenario and last but not the least his fetish for computers. One can imagine how the nicknames go.

Lets call him Bhatturam for now( dont ask me the reason behind the name nor try to make guesses as to the origin of the name).

Well there is no denying that Bhatturam studies as hard as anyone else does for their exams and there is no count to the no. of nite-outs he has done before exams. One can even be bold enough to say he surpasses even the top scorer when it comes to dedication and hard work. The poor guy has been found snoring or drooling over his text books on several occassions, i can tell you its because of the exhaustion. One can even observe bhatturam roaming the corridors finding a suitable place to study. He feels there is too much disturbance in his room because of the constant verbal assault delivered on him by his OTHER annoying roomies. Poor bhatturam isnt too good at retaliation, certain instances when he did loose his cool and tried retaliating, it only helped as much as to generate peals of laughter and giving the other guy a moral victory.

Coming back to his dedication, well he did manage to locate a 'quiet room', a room full of studious people who have pledged themselves to silence when it comes to preparing for the exams. All went well but for the fact that people kept making frequent visits to the room to have discussions with our genius who was too good with his concepts. This disturbed the tranquility of the 'quiet room' and well you can say bhatturam's membership to that room was soon revoked.

Anyway the guy figured out all the funda for the topics and even skipped bath and breakfast to make sense of all the uncleared 'funda'. Finally bhatturam was ready and marched towards the exam hall armed with pen, pencil, eraser, calculator and all the 'funda' which he was sure no one else understood.

...An Hour Later

Guy1: Dude the exam was too easy, its an easy 18/20

Guy2: I'd say 19/20

Well, with all that talk u'd expect bhatturam to get a minimum of 25/20

Me: Hey bhattu how was ur exam?

bhattu( cooly replies): I'll get a 6 or 7 (as if the top score achievable was just 7). Dude i forgot the formula and i had to derive it. I cant believe the others completed the paper so quickly.

...Reason for such trash talk. Well bhatturam had been studying derivations for his math exam and nothing else and hadn't bothered to see any worked out problems, neither work out any problems. He goes by the philosophy, " If u know the atom, you know chemistry" or "If you know the alphabets, you know English", well you get the picture don't you.

Actually the problem is Bhatturam is proud of his CBSE background. Well i tried to explain that so are many other people, but it wont do one any good when it comes to college.

Bhatturam never seems to think this as a problem. He ultimately did get 7, after writing 7 sheets and hence scoring an avg of 1 mark a sheet. He is of the opinion that true talent isnt being recognized. That is in fact true and many people know it. People actually have a problem initially in their work-life because they aren't thorough with their engineering.

To this day Bhatturam is still the same, he roams the corridors on the night before the exams and still gets 7/20. He feels that change is imminent and he feels that the fortunes will one day favour the likes of him( he still believes luck plays a major role and hasn't pondered the idea that he can make the difference). Despite all this Bhatturam remains my favourite roommate- one for this immensely lazy logic and two for the fact that it takes guts to have an attitude like his.

Mom's intuition

Most times our moms would tell us please dont do that or dont do this. We used to wonder 'What is she saying' cos at that moment we dont see any imminent danger neither the possibity of anything happening in the future. Also the fact that she either does not give u a valid reason as to why you shouldnt do it or she gives you a really really silly reason, makes it hard for you to follow her instructions....and also maybe because of the facts that we are 'old enough'. Then finally one fine day your mom's forecast comes true. And ur mom nags u saying, "C i told u". You refuse to believe that whatever happened could have been because u didnt listen to ur mom, but maybe someother reason. Some reason that logically appeals to u. But u can find no such thing. Then u think or atleast i realised, this is what is a woman's or typically mother's intuiton. She just feels something bad and hence she isnt able to tell u the reason but just blatantly warns u. This is a very common but true occurence. Well guys...when u hv a choice between ur decision and mom's decision and are confused, i'd suggest listening to mom's (cos if anythng goes wrong u know whom to balme:-)

IT ONLY HAPPENS TO ME

IT ONLY HAPPENS TO ME

Sometimes you must have realized that the most inappropriate stuff, uncharacteristic of you only happens to you. But then again, the first time it happened, you would have smiled to yourself, dishonestly humble, consoling yourself by saying “C’mon cheer up, there’s always a first to everything, stuff like that do happen”. You would also have found comfort in the fact that probably stuff like that keeps happening to everyone.

So unmindful of this new development, you imagine that the next day you’ll be yourself again, the same brilliant, proud, sensible, logical and a whole lot of other adjectives that you love to attribute to yourself. But as days pass by, you are haunted, yet again by that very same stuff. You get frustrated this time and realize, “this can’t be happening with me. Why did this very same thing, uncharacteristic of me, happen to me twice?”

Then several problems arise. You are taken to questioning by your parents, your guardians, regarding this strange occurrence happening with you. Their fears multiply even without any fuel added. And then while you are analyzing, why such a thing is happening, it happens again. You use your logical part of the brain to figure it out. You try to think what you’re doing wrong. Although it maybe obvious, but at that age, the mind being so deceptive that it is, it doesn’t allow you to realize that certain things that you do are wrong. It shuts such thoughts away, keeping you confused. Also you are too proud to seek help from your parents. In the meanwhile, you realize that this strange trait of yours has become a habit. And then all of a sudden you become all philosophical and come to hasty conclusion that maybe this sort of a thing was destined to happen and come to accept it as a part of life. While your parents still show worried signs regarding their wards change, they fear the worst. They blame it on unwarranted activities, like doing drugs, TV, alcohol and all such stuff that they warn you on TV. But you, being at the point beyond irritation, realize its futile to even try to convince them. Hence the once beautiful relationship between you & your family becomes a bit strained. They keep unreasonable expectations on you all of a sudden, expecting you to make up for ‘unreasonable’ behavior.

Though your parents won’t throw you out they believe time will heal. You become still more philosophical and decide that I’ll give it my best shot no matter what the result. The output probably isn’t satisfactory, but there’s a difference. You realize that today is your 20^th birthday, you are past your teens. You realize that you are happy despite not performing well. You realize your parents are smiling after a long time and you realize your boyfriend/girlfriend has started smiling again It took you 20 yrs to realize something simple. Maybe Rip Van Winkle wasn’t the only one who was sleeping.

….Hmmmm… you realize what did I do right this time? You can’t find out. But at twenty, I know it’s childish to be superstitious, but I attribute it to the fact that I’m no longer a teen, that’s why. I look at all the guys who were still assumedly ‘enjoying their teens’ and playing football. I noticed a flaw in their play. But they never realized and continue to marvel at their skills. It is then that it struck me; maybe I was like them, too ignorant, too proud, too humble to realize where I was wrong. I realized, I had always lied to my conscience and it kept hurting me all the time. I thought I knew everything, but I didn’t. I realized all that I did wrong, never did I find out what I did right. Maybe another 20 yrs in my life I will.

A thought

U might think its not moral to even entertain wicked thoughts in your mind..but hey u'll feel a lot lighter once you try to just see what happens when u do let them take over you. It's wild, fantastic and wicked but you should know when you have gone too far. Stop it right there!!! and come back to reality!!!